Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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