Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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