Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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