I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
