Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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