It's Friday. Sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want a musical about memes.
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