yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
