Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
