you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it fun? or sober?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
