do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
