i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
