I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
