you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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