got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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