She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your penis caused this!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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