You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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