We won't sleep together?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
