Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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