Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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