Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
