his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
