I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
