I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
