Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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