It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
