Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
