Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
