He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
