ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
