Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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