i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize