never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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