i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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