are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
