So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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