guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
