you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
