I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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