hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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