someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
