# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
two words...techno handjob
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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