Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this boner is exhausting
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
