I heard we made out
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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