In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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