I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
