I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
