Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
