i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
