1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
