Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
