He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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