I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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