Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
