"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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