I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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