After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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