I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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