i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
