Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
