I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love having hate sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
don't judge my taste in strippers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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