Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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