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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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