I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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