Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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