But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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