I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
