So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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