Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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