Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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