My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
