i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
