He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
