But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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