I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
