yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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