Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
