So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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