So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
