Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
