I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
