your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
